Dear Lakyn Lee,

Dear Lakyn Lee,

Here we are, sweet girl. One trip around the sun since you took your first breath; the very breath that took mine away. One year since our first night together, your flesh against mine; our hearts no longer in the same body, but still beating as one.

12 months. 365 days. 8,760 hours. Over 20 million breaths in and out of your body.

No matter how you count it — it passed entirely too quickly.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to write to you. But honestly, the words haven’t come easily. Then tonight, rocking you to sleep, my hopes for you started flooding my heart.

Hope \ ˈhōp \

: to cherish a desire with anticipation; to want something to happen or be true

I hope so many things. I hope you know how much you are loved. I hope I show up for you in all the ways you need me to. I hope that we create the most magical memories during our most ordinary days together. I hope you and your sister develop a bond that is unbreakable. I hope that I can find peace and exhibit grace as I watch you transition from a happy baby to an active toddler, from an innocent little girl to an awkward tween, and from a beautiful young lady to an incredible woman.

I hope that we can enjoy health and happiness as a family. I hope that you feel comfortable in your skin and convicted in your beliefs. I hope that you are strong, but kind. I hope that even though your life will not be perfect, it will be YOURS and it will be GOOD.

I could list a thousand things that I hope for you. But sweet girl, hope in the human form is often unreliable, in many ways egocentric, and honestly…empty. It’s something that may or may not happen. Our hope is nothing without HOPE in Him.

Biblically, hope carries profound depth and meaning. Hope is trust. Hope is confident expectation. Hope is patient endurance. Hope is refuge. Hope is sanctifying. Hope is not conditional.

So Lakyn Lee, I pray over you the HOPE you will find only in Jesus. Hope that defies logic. Hope that transcends the human condition.

I pray that even if life does not go as planned, you know He is with you. I pray that even in the depths of grief, because grief will come, you will find peace in Him. I pray that even in your suffering, you will know He is good.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” — Romans 15:13

With so much HOPE in my heart,

Your Mama

Letting go.

Letting go.

Beauty for Ashes: My Twinless-Twin

Beauty for Ashes: My Twinless-Twin